I Am Not Alone

When I started this journal process, I was hesitant to share it with my friends and family. I was so embarrassed about the way I eat and how I look, I thought sharing this with others would make me look bad or make them change the way they look at me. I also felt that this was a really personal issue (one I am not particularly proud of) and that sharing would really expose my vulnerability.

But then I remember the movie "Crocodile Dundee" I saw years ago where he says that "when people like us have problems, we tell Wally. Wally tells the whole town, the problem gets out, sooner or later, no problem."

I took a different approach and focused on being proud of this process and proud of myself for doing it. In fact, I became quite excited about sharing this with others. Writing a journal and blogging was totally new for me and it went from being something I wanted to hide from everyone to something I wanted the whole world to see.

Sharing this journal with everyone has been very enabling and has created a support mechanism that I am already counting on. A friend that I teach with tonight was asking if I was keeping up with my journal. He mentioned that doing something like this would almost force me to keep it going because I wouldn't want to disappoint all of the people who were reading it. This was all a part of my "evil plan." To generate expectation in those around me, so I will always feel compelled to measure up to it. I used my own competitive behavior to work for me, not against it like it tends to do.

Its been a busy week and I have had little time the past few days to keep up with this, but the encouragement I have received by many of my friends, who asked whether or not I wrote anything today, compelled me to make the time.

Life Lesson #5: There will be times when you need to carry the load and there will be times when you need someone to carry the load for you.

Pride is a strong emotion that can be very empowering or can keep you from achieving many things. For me, pride tends to be very paralyzing because in my times of greatest need, I force myself to bear the entire burden. Sometimes with success, many times without.

Keeping up with the marathon of behavioral change can, at times, be a great burden. There will be days when I am just not strong enough to bare it. Normally, I would retract and focus on manging it all by myself. But, when you are running down that road and you have the crowd cheering you on, your pride turns from an obstacle to an energy source. Having people interested in whether or not I added a post today has been a tremendous lift for when the burden may be too much to bare.