I knew that a day like this would come. I have felt my healthy eating habits starting to slip for a couple of days now. I started grabbing a snack here or eating a little extra there. I took what was once a very calculated process for consuming food, and reverted it back to a mindless act of consuming whatever was in sight.
There are usually several factors that contribute to me slipping back into my old habits. The one that I think led to this particular failure was my lack of routine, a danger normally faced when the weekend comes. Without a routine in my day, I don't have a good handle on the environment around me. I especially don't have a good sense of what time it is, something that is critical for me when measuring my food intake.
On a work day, my time is naturally broken up into smaller, more measurable chunks; drive in, morning at work, lunch, afternoon at work, drive home, time with kids awake, time with kids asleep, and my time for bed. They break up the day pretty nicely, and it gives me a good framework I can refer to when determining how much I should eat and when I should eat it.
On the weekend all of those references disappear, and I totally lose track of time. It causes me to fail to monitor what I should be eating and when. I always feel hungry throughout the day, but I use those time blocks to tell me when I should eat and when I should ignore my hunger pains. With the time reference of my routine gone, I lose control of the situation and let my programming take over. That spells disaster.
Today was a bad day for me because I ate way more than I should. While yesterday I felt a little guilty because I had a large meal where I probably ate too much (even though I didn't eat it all and that is a victory in itself), today was far worse. The whole family was sick and I was so wrapped up in trying manage the situation that the entire day was shot. Throughout the day, I caught myself eating more than I should, snacking when I didn't need to, and eating junk that I have not allowed myself to eat for nearly two weeks. Looking back, it was very disappointing.
It just goes to show how much control a programmed behavior has over you. Just when you start to walk away, you take a quick look back, and it pulls you right back in again. Reflecting on the past week, I realize that it took quite a bit of work to ignore these behaviors. I had to force by body to do what I wanted it to do, while ignoring what my program wanted me to do. The battle is epic, and you realize that it is going to take a tremendous amount of energy to overcome these habits and bring about change. It is no wonder that so many of us fail.
At this point, I typically give up trying to do something different and revert back to my old ways of eating food. But this time, when it feels like I am about to slip back into my old habits, I remind myself of the process required to create habitual change.
Life Lesson #6: Correcting a bad habit requires chiropractic treatment
This life lesson may be a bit obscure, but I use the reference with students all the time when we talk about trying to correct a poor habit they have in their marching technique. When you go to a Chiropractor to deal with something in your body that is out of place, the typical process is to diagnose the problem, prescribe a physical treatment, apply the treatment, then setup an appointment to immediately return to reapply the treatment. At first, Chiropractors normally want you to come daily or every other day for the same treatment. But after a few days, they start to spread the interval between treatments out for longer stretches as time.
The idea behind this method is that when you have a joint has been out of place for a long period of time, when put back in place, the joint has the tendency to immediately return to being out of place again. As you put it back in place over and over again, the time that it takes to fall back out of place increases. With repetition, it will take longer and longer for the joint to fall out. After several treatments, the length of time it takes the joint to fall out of place increases to the point where the body finally accepts the right place as the correct one.
Take you hands and clasp them together. Everyone has a natural way in which they clasp their hands, mine is left over right. Now switch (for me right over left). Feels unnatural, doesn't it? Now squeeze your hands together. In fact, squeeze them hard several times. As you keep squeezing (say up to 10 times), your hands will start to feel a little more natural when clasped in the opposite position. Now that it is starting to feel more comfortable, go back to clasping your hands your natural way. Feels funny, doesn't it? Almost as if it was now the wrong way? Squeezing the hands represents us applying the treatment to something that doesn't feel normal to our body, trying to get it to accept the new way as correct.
In my case with eating, I am only at the beginning of the process, so I have to reapply my treatments every day to keep me from reverting to the way I used to eat. While difficult now, I know that over time, the amount of treatments I have to make will be less and less and the time I will need to do them will grow longer and longer. Eventually, my behavior will change, and I will finally be to the point where the new way of eating will feel natural.
Unfortunately, I lost the battle today and my eating habits have slipped out of place again. I have to forgive and re-apply my treatment. 11 days is actually very good and I should be pleased with that. Hopefully it will be more than 11 days before my next slip. If it isn't, I will have to accept that and continue to reapply my treatment until my body know that the correct way of eating is the natural one.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I Am Not Alone
When I started this journal process, I was hesitant to share it with my friends and family. I was so embarrassed about the way I eat and how I look, I thought sharing this with others would make me look bad or make them change the way they look at me. I also felt that this was a really personal issue (one I am not particularly proud of) and that sharing would really expose my vulnerability.
But then I remember the movie "Crocodile Dundee" I saw years ago where he says that "when people like us have problems, we tell Wally. Wally tells the whole town, the problem gets out, sooner or later, no problem."
I took a different approach and focused on being proud of this process and proud of myself for doing it. In fact, I became quite excited about sharing this with others. Writing a journal and blogging was totally new for me and it went from being something I wanted to hide from everyone to something I wanted the whole world to see.
Sharing this journal with everyone has been very enabling and has created a support mechanism that I am already counting on. A friend that I teach with tonight was asking if I was keeping up with my journal. He mentioned that doing something like this would almost force me to keep it going because I wouldn't want to disappoint all of the people who were reading it. This was all a part of my "evil plan." To generate expectation in those around me, so I will always feel compelled to measure up to it. I used my own competitive behavior to work for me, not against it like it tends to do.
Its been a busy week and I have had little time the past few days to keep up with this, but the encouragement I have received by many of my friends, who asked whether or not I wrote anything today, compelled me to make the time.
Life Lesson #5: There will be times when you need to carry the load and there will be times when you need someone to carry the load for you.
Pride is a strong emotion that can be very empowering or can keep you from achieving many things. For me, pride tends to be very paralyzing because in my times of greatest need, I force myself to bear the entire burden. Sometimes with success, many times without.
Keeping up with the marathon of behavioral change can, at times, be a great burden. There will be days when I am just not strong enough to bare it. Normally, I would retract and focus on manging it all by myself. But, when you are running down that road and you have the crowd cheering you on, your pride turns from an obstacle to an energy source. Having people interested in whether or not I added a post today has been a tremendous lift for when the burden may be too much to bare.
But then I remember the movie "Crocodile Dundee" I saw years ago where he says that "when people like us have problems, we tell Wally. Wally tells the whole town, the problem gets out, sooner or later, no problem."
I took a different approach and focused on being proud of this process and proud of myself for doing it. In fact, I became quite excited about sharing this with others. Writing a journal and blogging was totally new for me and it went from being something I wanted to hide from everyone to something I wanted the whole world to see.
Sharing this journal with everyone has been very enabling and has created a support mechanism that I am already counting on. A friend that I teach with tonight was asking if I was keeping up with my journal. He mentioned that doing something like this would almost force me to keep it going because I wouldn't want to disappoint all of the people who were reading it. This was all a part of my "evil plan." To generate expectation in those around me, so I will always feel compelled to measure up to it. I used my own competitive behavior to work for me, not against it like it tends to do.
Its been a busy week and I have had little time the past few days to keep up with this, but the encouragement I have received by many of my friends, who asked whether or not I wrote anything today, compelled me to make the time.
Life Lesson #5: There will be times when you need to carry the load and there will be times when you need someone to carry the load for you.
Pride is a strong emotion that can be very empowering or can keep you from achieving many things. For me, pride tends to be very paralyzing because in my times of greatest need, I force myself to bear the entire burden. Sometimes with success, many times without.
Keeping up with the marathon of behavioral change can, at times, be a great burden. There will be days when I am just not strong enough to bare it. Normally, I would retract and focus on manging it all by myself. But, when you are running down that road and you have the crowd cheering you on, your pride turns from an obstacle to an energy source. Having people interested in whether or not I added a post today has been a tremendous lift for when the burden may be too much to bare.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Focus on Your Goals and Accolades will Follow
For me this week has been a really great experience, taking a stand against my poor eating habits and trying to change my behavior. I found it amazing how making decisions about eating effects my daily life. When I look at the past 7 days, I am a bit surprised by how many times I was engaged into this process. I think about how many times the traps my old programming tried to take me away from my plan. I think about the cognitive efforts that I had to go through to endure and prevail them. But, the most startling piece of it for me was the number of times a decision was made in regards to food.
These decisions encompassed more than just the three meals a day. It was dealing with all of the cravings, the numbers of time I passed by food that was readily available, how many times I watched others eat food, being offered food, serving someone else food, seeing food commercials, hearing food commercials, driving by food restaurants, driving by the grocery store. I even went to my home improvement store over the weekend and there at the check-out counter was food to purchase and eat.
We make decisions about food many, many times a day. There is no question that my decisions this past week swung from being predominantly bad for me to being predominately good.
Life Lesson #4: Focus on the goals that you set for yourself and the accolades of success will follow.
We tell the marching band students all the time to concentrate on doing their personal best. That no matter where they are in the learning process, when they focus on their own personal achievement, great things will happen for the whole organization. There are so many levels of success available within the activity that the students can find opportunities to reach, exceed, and set new goals for themselves all along the way. As a result, their competitive success becomes a by-product.
For me this week was focused on my goal of managing my eating behavior and starting the process of reprogramming the way I approach food. This week was successful and as a result, my by-product of the effort was losing 5 pounds.
I am looking forward to moving ahead.
These decisions encompassed more than just the three meals a day. It was dealing with all of the cravings, the numbers of time I passed by food that was readily available, how many times I watched others eat food, being offered food, serving someone else food, seeing food commercials, hearing food commercials, driving by food restaurants, driving by the grocery store. I even went to my home improvement store over the weekend and there at the check-out counter was food to purchase and eat.
We make decisions about food many, many times a day. There is no question that my decisions this past week swung from being predominantly bad for me to being predominately good.
Life Lesson #4: Focus on the goals that you set for yourself and the accolades of success will follow.
We tell the marching band students all the time to concentrate on doing their personal best. That no matter where they are in the learning process, when they focus on their own personal achievement, great things will happen for the whole organization. There are so many levels of success available within the activity that the students can find opportunities to reach, exceed, and set new goals for themselves all along the way. As a result, their competitive success becomes a by-product.
For me this week was focused on my goal of managing my eating behavior and starting the process of reprogramming the way I approach food. This week was successful and as a result, my by-product of the effort was losing 5 pounds.
I am looking forward to moving ahead.
Suckered Into the "Value" Food Purchase
Another busy day at work so my lunch routine was going to be a quick trip to the local sub shop again. The way I go to the sub shop now is a change for me because I start to think about what I am going to get ahead of time instead of figuring it out when I get there. I basically know the options and know roughly how many calories they represent. I then have to compare it to what I have eaten so far for the day to determine what my choices are.
Since this is still a new process for me, at the time of ordering I really do have to cognitively work through the details. I was really focused on what choices I was making; which bread, which meat, which toppings, which dressing. It was when I was making those choices that it happened. I fell into the trap of the "value" buy.
Part of what makes it difficult for us to be successful when purchasing food is that the system that we live in (especially the quick serve restaurants) is set up to work against the good choices. America is based on "value buying." We are programmed to find success in getting more for our money, not getting just what we need. We have super size, king size, giant size, and every other superlative description for meals that convince us that we win when we can have the portion of our meal practically doubled for only 50% more money. How can we pass up that value?
For me, it was being told that on Tuesday, I can have my 6" sub converted to a foot long for just $1 more. So in the flurry of my selection activity of which toppings and dressing I was going to add to my chicken sub, I said "yes" without even thinking about it. It was quick, it was easy, and it was instinctive. A remnant from my old programming for managing food.
After getting in the car with my meal, I finally realized what I had done (and it wasn't until then, approximately 3 minutes later). I was disappointed in myself because I knew that just the day before, I was perfectly satisfied with the 6" meal. After getting back to the office, I proceeded to eat lunch and found myself an out for this instinctive purchase. I was only going to eat half and save the rest for tomorrow. A simple solution you would think, but it went against all of my programming to do it.
"Value-based" purchasing in the food industry is one of the largest downfalls for people like me. I always pride myself on getting a good deal, from my TV, to my car, to my hamburger. But the value is not a description of the food, it is a description of the money we spend to acquire it. A distinct difference. So while I feel like I am saving money (ironically by spending more), what I really am doing is eating more than I should. And there is no value in that.
Since this is still a new process for me, at the time of ordering I really do have to cognitively work through the details. I was really focused on what choices I was making; which bread, which meat, which toppings, which dressing. It was when I was making those choices that it happened. I fell into the trap of the "value" buy.
Part of what makes it difficult for us to be successful when purchasing food is that the system that we live in (especially the quick serve restaurants) is set up to work against the good choices. America is based on "value buying." We are programmed to find success in getting more for our money, not getting just what we need. We have super size, king size, giant size, and every other superlative description for meals that convince us that we win when we can have the portion of our meal practically doubled for only 50% more money. How can we pass up that value?
For me, it was being told that on Tuesday, I can have my 6" sub converted to a foot long for just $1 more. So in the flurry of my selection activity of which toppings and dressing I was going to add to my chicken sub, I said "yes" without even thinking about it. It was quick, it was easy, and it was instinctive. A remnant from my old programming for managing food.
After getting in the car with my meal, I finally realized what I had done (and it wasn't until then, approximately 3 minutes later). I was disappointed in myself because I knew that just the day before, I was perfectly satisfied with the 6" meal. After getting back to the office, I proceeded to eat lunch and found myself an out for this instinctive purchase. I was only going to eat half and save the rest for tomorrow. A simple solution you would think, but it went against all of my programming to do it.
"Value-based" purchasing in the food industry is one of the largest downfalls for people like me. I always pride myself on getting a good deal, from my TV, to my car, to my hamburger. But the value is not a description of the food, it is a description of the money we spend to acquire it. A distinct difference. So while I feel like I am saving money (ironically by spending more), what I really am doing is eating more than I should. And there is no value in that.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Which Race Are You In?
When I was younger and back living on the farm with my family, my three cousins and I used to do quite a bit together. They were older, so I was always fascinated with the things they could that I couldn't do. My oldest cousin was very much into cars and in his room he had a shelf with lots of car models that he put together. These models were awesome. Every piece fit perfectly, they were very clean, there was no glue showing, and they had paint jobs that looked pretty professional (for being 15 years old).
I really wanted to get into building car models like him. I came home one night and asked my parents if I could go to the toy store and pick up a couple of models to get started with my new hobby. At the store there were hundreds of model car kits to choose from setup for various different levels of experience. Of course, I never went for the starter kits, I always went for the advanced models with more pieces, smaller pieces, harder pieces to glue together. I also had to paint the car, every bit of it, instead of using stickers like most of the basic model kits had. Needless to say, I dived deep into model car building head first, a typical reaction for me when I "get into something."
I brought home those models and the glue and the paints and laid them all out on a table in my basement, ready for me to start my new life as an expert model car builder. The first couple of days, I spent all of my free time doing it. For never doing it before I think I got pretty far. My new life as a model car building was going exactly the way I envisioned it. However, after a couple of days, it started to get harder. The smaller pieces needed to be put together, there was more detailing, and there was more time needed to dry between putting pieces together. It was very frustrating. The kits were really too hard for me. After all, I was 10, not 15 like my cousin. This stuff was way over my head.
After just a few days and few too many frustrations, my model kits, glue, and paints were left on the table in the basement and never picked up again (until my Mom eventually threw them in the garbage).
Starting out of the gate, I have been incredibly excited to use this journal process as an outlet to assist me with my journey of controlling my poor eating habits and reducing my weight. I have considered lots of examples and experiences that directly relate to my habits with food and position on health in general and I am eager to share them all.
Friday night after work I was sharing this new "hobby" with my wife and expressing to her how jazzed I was to be doing this and how I had all of these crazy ideas related to this process when she gently reminded me of something very important: She has seen this in me before. It was true. Here I was with another new idea and I was going all out on it, letting it consume my entire thought process. Going "all out" is a typical behavior for me, perhaps a bit compulsive and perhaps something that tributes itself to the way I approach food and eating at times.
For once, her warning was clear and I knew that it was not healthy for me to get into this so much that I quickly burn out. She was right. I was in it head first again, going nuts over the blogging or journal process because I was so excited about it and believed that it may be my answer to something I have failed to do so many times before.
What we have to realize is that taking on a behavioral change like compulsive eating is something that no matter how intense you get about it, requires time to happen. And, how you approach making a behavioral change is key to its success.
Life Lesson #3: Behavioral Change is a Marathon, not a Sprint
When we start a new season with the marching band program, the initial excitement by the members is infectious. Looking back on their previous experience, they know that they can't wait to get started on working towards learning their show and having their first performance. But the season is long. They have spring rehearsals, summer vacation, band camp, a month of summer rehearsals, and then, at the start of a new school year they finally get their first performance. Two months after that, they are still performing and closing in on their championships. It can be a long and grueling process.
I have to remind the students many times throughout the year that it is a long season and they need to be able to focus on improving their performance each and every week within that long period of time. As instructors, we always see a dip in their focus and attention throughout, but no more so than towards the end of the season, when they have had quite enough marching band and are ready for something else. It is then when we have to remind them that if the activity was a race, the performances may be sprints, but the season is a marathon.
For me, this process in changing my eating behavior is going to take a long period of time. My losing weight is also going to take a long period of time if I want to be healthy about it. After all, as my wife reminds me, it took a long time to put it on in the first place. So with that in mind, I have tempered the intensity and focus on pacing myself a bit to ensure that I can sustain this process for the long haul. Preparing to run a marathon is an entirely different process than preparing to run the 100m dash and the quicker we realize it, the sooner we can train ourselves with that goal in mind.
I really wanted to get into building car models like him. I came home one night and asked my parents if I could go to the toy store and pick up a couple of models to get started with my new hobby. At the store there were hundreds of model car kits to choose from setup for various different levels of experience. Of course, I never went for the starter kits, I always went for the advanced models with more pieces, smaller pieces, harder pieces to glue together. I also had to paint the car, every bit of it, instead of using stickers like most of the basic model kits had. Needless to say, I dived deep into model car building head first, a typical reaction for me when I "get into something."
I brought home those models and the glue and the paints and laid them all out on a table in my basement, ready for me to start my new life as an expert model car builder. The first couple of days, I spent all of my free time doing it. For never doing it before I think I got pretty far. My new life as a model car building was going exactly the way I envisioned it. However, after a couple of days, it started to get harder. The smaller pieces needed to be put together, there was more detailing, and there was more time needed to dry between putting pieces together. It was very frustrating. The kits were really too hard for me. After all, I was 10, not 15 like my cousin. This stuff was way over my head.
After just a few days and few too many frustrations, my model kits, glue, and paints were left on the table in the basement and never picked up again (until my Mom eventually threw them in the garbage).
Starting out of the gate, I have been incredibly excited to use this journal process as an outlet to assist me with my journey of controlling my poor eating habits and reducing my weight. I have considered lots of examples and experiences that directly relate to my habits with food and position on health in general and I am eager to share them all.
Friday night after work I was sharing this new "hobby" with my wife and expressing to her how jazzed I was to be doing this and how I had all of these crazy ideas related to this process when she gently reminded me of something very important: She has seen this in me before. It was true. Here I was with another new idea and I was going all out on it, letting it consume my entire thought process. Going "all out" is a typical behavior for me, perhaps a bit compulsive and perhaps something that tributes itself to the way I approach food and eating at times.
For once, her warning was clear and I knew that it was not healthy for me to get into this so much that I quickly burn out. She was right. I was in it head first again, going nuts over the blogging or journal process because I was so excited about it and believed that it may be my answer to something I have failed to do so many times before.
What we have to realize is that taking on a behavioral change like compulsive eating is something that no matter how intense you get about it, requires time to happen. And, how you approach making a behavioral change is key to its success.
Life Lesson #3: Behavioral Change is a Marathon, not a Sprint
When we start a new season with the marching band program, the initial excitement by the members is infectious. Looking back on their previous experience, they know that they can't wait to get started on working towards learning their show and having their first performance. But the season is long. They have spring rehearsals, summer vacation, band camp, a month of summer rehearsals, and then, at the start of a new school year they finally get their first performance. Two months after that, they are still performing and closing in on their championships. It can be a long and grueling process.
I have to remind the students many times throughout the year that it is a long season and they need to be able to focus on improving their performance each and every week within that long period of time. As instructors, we always see a dip in their focus and attention throughout, but no more so than towards the end of the season, when they have had quite enough marching band and are ready for something else. It is then when we have to remind them that if the activity was a race, the performances may be sprints, but the season is a marathon.
For me, this process in changing my eating behavior is going to take a long period of time. My losing weight is also going to take a long period of time if I want to be healthy about it. After all, as my wife reminds me, it took a long time to put it on in the first place. So with that in mind, I have tempered the intensity and focus on pacing myself a bit to ensure that I can sustain this process for the long haul. Preparing to run a marathon is an entirely different process than preparing to run the 100m dash and the quicker we realize it, the sooner we can train ourselves with that goal in mind.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Being Busy Can Jeopardize the Whole Thing
A meeting from 8-9, a recording session from 9-11, another meeting downtown from 11-noon. What a hectic morning.
I spent some time yesterday to make this glorious plan, this resounding resolution, and today I have so many things on my plate, there tends to be no room to even consider it.
Here lies the danger for me when it comes to eating. No time to consider what I am eating means that I am just reacting to my need for food. And since my "program" for food is still to eat too much and eat things that I shouldn't, allowing those instincts to take over will clearly jeopardize my plan.
What do I do in this situation? I do what any good surgeon does right before the first incision, I take a pregnant pause and stop the reaction. That pregnant pause refocused me to be conscious of my choices for lunch, conscious of what I really need to do to turn off the hunger pain. So, until I reprogram my eating, I am going to have to be more conscious about it and think through it to be successful.
Life Lesson #2: Know when you can put things on "auto pilot"
When I talk to students about how they need to process their routine, I constantly talk about the dangers of going into "auto pilot" mode. "Auto pilot" represents a state of mind where they believe that can perform their routine without even thinking about it. Its difficult for them to be successful this way, because at that age and typically where their maturity level is as a performer, they can very rarely put most of their performance on automatic, even though they always try. As a result, we as instructors are constantly forced to find ways to get them to focus on cognitively working through their routine.
Over time and repetition, this can change. In fact, as the season continues on and the routine becomes more familiar to them, I usually talk about how they have to start pushing aspects of that routine into the "back of their brain" (the place where the auto pilot is located).
Taking the mechanics of their routine and putting aspects of that into an instinctive state is actually key to them enhancing their performance. With the mechanical elements on "auto pilot," this frees up their mind to process other layers, like introducing the emotional aspects of their routine into the mix.
So, at first it sounds like a bit of a contradiction, but the secret to their success as performers is knowing the timing of that transition from cognition to instinct.
When we run on "auto pilot" and we have a program that is detrimental to our goal, we have to return to consciously and cognitively working through the routine. That is where I am with eating. My "auto pilot" program is to eat everything that is available for me to eat without consideration of how much it is. A fact that is magnified when I encounter a stressful situation like trying to maintain a very busy schedule.
So today was a test for me. Rush through what I needed to do and instinctively eat according to my program or stop and think through the routine of what I need to eat.
I had to run from my meeting downtown back to my office, so the leading candidate for a food source was, of course, a fast food restaurant. Engaging my reactionary program, I would have run through the drive through, picked a meal with a number, have it enlarged (for a larger drink, but another story there), and eat it while traveling back to my office (finishing it before I get out of the car).
So today, instead I followed the pregnant pause concept. I drove into the fast food restaurant -- and parked. I got out of my car and forced myself to walk into the restaurant to make my order and receive my food. I asked for the food to go and instead of a meal with a number, I bought a salad, something I cant even eat in the car (although I am sure people have tried). When I brought it back to my desk (another issue for another day), I took 15 minutes to eat. Typically, I take 5.
As I rebuild my behavior program over time, this will hopefully become automatic for me, but for now, I just have to think about it.
I spent some time yesterday to make this glorious plan, this resounding resolution, and today I have so many things on my plate, there tends to be no room to even consider it.
Here lies the danger for me when it comes to eating. No time to consider what I am eating means that I am just reacting to my need for food. And since my "program" for food is still to eat too much and eat things that I shouldn't, allowing those instincts to take over will clearly jeopardize my plan.
What do I do in this situation? I do what any good surgeon does right before the first incision, I take a pregnant pause and stop the reaction. That pregnant pause refocused me to be conscious of my choices for lunch, conscious of what I really need to do to turn off the hunger pain. So, until I reprogram my eating, I am going to have to be more conscious about it and think through it to be successful.
Life Lesson #2: Know when you can put things on "auto pilot"
When I talk to students about how they need to process their routine, I constantly talk about the dangers of going into "auto pilot" mode. "Auto pilot" represents a state of mind where they believe that can perform their routine without even thinking about it. Its difficult for them to be successful this way, because at that age and typically where their maturity level is as a performer, they can very rarely put most of their performance on automatic, even though they always try. As a result, we as instructors are constantly forced to find ways to get them to focus on cognitively working through their routine.
Over time and repetition, this can change. In fact, as the season continues on and the routine becomes more familiar to them, I usually talk about how they have to start pushing aspects of that routine into the "back of their brain" (the place where the auto pilot is located).
Taking the mechanics of their routine and putting aspects of that into an instinctive state is actually key to them enhancing their performance. With the mechanical elements on "auto pilot," this frees up their mind to process other layers, like introducing the emotional aspects of their routine into the mix.
So, at first it sounds like a bit of a contradiction, but the secret to their success as performers is knowing the timing of that transition from cognition to instinct.
When we run on "auto pilot" and we have a program that is detrimental to our goal, we have to return to consciously and cognitively working through the routine. That is where I am with eating. My "auto pilot" program is to eat everything that is available for me to eat without consideration of how much it is. A fact that is magnified when I encounter a stressful situation like trying to maintain a very busy schedule.
So today was a test for me. Rush through what I needed to do and instinctively eat according to my program or stop and think through the routine of what I need to eat.
I had to run from my meeting downtown back to my office, so the leading candidate for a food source was, of course, a fast food restaurant. Engaging my reactionary program, I would have run through the drive through, picked a meal with a number, have it enlarged (for a larger drink, but another story there), and eat it while traveling back to my office (finishing it before I get out of the car).
So today, instead I followed the pregnant pause concept. I drove into the fast food restaurant -- and parked. I got out of my car and forced myself to walk into the restaurant to make my order and receive my food. I asked for the food to go and instead of a meal with a number, I bought a salad, something I cant even eat in the car (although I am sure people have tried). When I brought it back to my desk (another issue for another day), I took 15 minutes to eat. Typically, I take 5.
As I rebuild my behavior program over time, this will hopefully become automatic for me, but for now, I just have to think about it.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Forgiving Yourself
Less than six hours after embarking on the journey to control your weight and it already starts to get difficult.
I am hungry when I don't need to be. My first reaction is to make popcorn, look for candy, or scan the food options in the office. Its time to recognize that for exactly what it is; an instinctive reaction, an initial response, or a nearly mindless behavior that I have programmed in my body.
So I catch myself. I remember the goal, remember the journey and most importantly; I forgive.
Forgiving yourself throughout a process like this is so critical and I may be the least forgiving person to myself that there is.
I teach marching band and color guards as a hobby and the interaction with students is a great experience. I try to offer as many "life lessons" as possible during their time with the group. Many people have been very positively effected by this which is very satisfying. So, I will refer from time to time to one of those lessons that I am so quick to give, but so slow to take.
Life Lesson #1: You will make mistakes, it is how you recover from it that your level of success will be measured.
And that has a lot to do with forgiveness, acceptance, and recognition of our short comings. For me, I know that I will slip and eat something I shouldn't. I will have a meal where I will polish off the whole plate when I really shouldn't have. But I need to forgive myself if it happens. I have such a hard time with this because I focus too much on making that first single mistake. I also refer to making that one mistake as being mission critical to my overall success, when it really doesn't have to be.
I tell my students before a performance, knowing that they are nervous and afraid of not having a perfect routine, that the mistakes will come. It is inevitable. The most important thing is to not get hung up with it so you can move on with your performance. The judging community actually rewards recovery, giving credit on how a student reacts to their mistakes and how quickly they can move on to the next part of their routine.
So when the afternoon comes around and I start to feel hungry and I catch myself grabbing a bag of unpopped popcorn I become afraid and nearly paralyzed because I believe that if I do this, if I make this one single mistake, it will all unravel again. Dampening that fear is so important for long term success.
I didn't make the mistake this time, but I did feel the panic of it all the same. Regardless of whether or not I actually ate something, it is time to forgive, time to recover, and time to focus on the next part of the routine.
I am hungry when I don't need to be. My first reaction is to make popcorn, look for candy, or scan the food options in the office. Its time to recognize that for exactly what it is; an instinctive reaction, an initial response, or a nearly mindless behavior that I have programmed in my body.
So I catch myself. I remember the goal, remember the journey and most importantly; I forgive.
Forgiving yourself throughout a process like this is so critical and I may be the least forgiving person to myself that there is.
I teach marching band and color guards as a hobby and the interaction with students is a great experience. I try to offer as many "life lessons" as possible during their time with the group. Many people have been very positively effected by this which is very satisfying. So, I will refer from time to time to one of those lessons that I am so quick to give, but so slow to take.
Life Lesson #1: You will make mistakes, it is how you recover from it that your level of success will be measured.
And that has a lot to do with forgiveness, acceptance, and recognition of our short comings. For me, I know that I will slip and eat something I shouldn't. I will have a meal where I will polish off the whole plate when I really shouldn't have. But I need to forgive myself if it happens. I have such a hard time with this because I focus too much on making that first single mistake. I also refer to making that one mistake as being mission critical to my overall success, when it really doesn't have to be.
I tell my students before a performance, knowing that they are nervous and afraid of not having a perfect routine, that the mistakes will come. It is inevitable. The most important thing is to not get hung up with it so you can move on with your performance. The judging community actually rewards recovery, giving credit on how a student reacts to their mistakes and how quickly they can move on to the next part of their routine.
So when the afternoon comes around and I start to feel hungry and I catch myself grabbing a bag of unpopped popcorn I become afraid and nearly paralyzed because I believe that if I do this, if I make this one single mistake, it will all unravel again. Dampening that fear is so important for long term success.
I didn't make the mistake this time, but I did feel the panic of it all the same. Regardless of whether or not I actually ate something, it is time to forgive, time to recover, and time to focus on the next part of the routine.
My Pocket Trigger
Have you ever owned a pair of dark pants that when you put them on, you can see the white that's inside the pockets? I keep putting my hands in my pocket thinking I can push the white back into the pocket itself so it can't be seen. Frustrating. The white is still there. I see it every time I walk by a mirror, a window, my car, or anything else that shows a reflection, I see the white of my pants pocket and no matter what I do, I cannot make the white go away. So I cover it up with a shirt, the one that is so tight I constantly have to pull it down to cover the white pockets.
Managing my weight has been a problem I have had nearly my entire life. When I was younger and more active working on our Dairy Farm, chores took care of it. Now that I work at a computer all day, nothing takes care of it.
I got up this morning after a late night of binging on ice cream, chicken nuggets, chips, and any other food that was lying around the house and said to myself, "It really is time to take a stand against my uncontrollable eating." While I have said this to myself many, many times and even acted upon it once in a while, the result is the same. No matter what I do, the anxiety rises, the habits return, and I end up right back here at 280. Unfortunately, I used to say that about 250.
For 5' 11", 280 pounds represents morbidly obese and I feel it. The embarrassment of being this heavy is perhaps the most painful part. Although the pains in my back, legs, feet and other parts of my body are constant reminders that I am incredibly unhealthy for being 33 years old. The fact that I can't run around with my two kids, don't want to be in pictures with them, and don't want to go outside with them is painful. Knowing that I am robbing them of some great memories is even more painful. Having the run down, low-energy, can't finish anything I start mode hurts me even more. Seeing so many great ideas I have sitting on a table, in a drawer, on a computer, all left unfinished and starting to believe that you can't finish them is even more painful.
Being overweight hurts. It effects more than your physical health. It makes your doubt yourself, it makes you reclusive, it makes you feel unattractive even to those who love you. It paralyzes you, causes you to feel out of control, even makes you feel a little nuts at times. It makes you feel helpless and like you have lost ownership of yourself.
So I will take another stand today. I will focus on not just a goal, but a journey to take me from 280 pounds to 210. I will focus on all of the feelings that each day brings, hopefully using this journal to keep me focused and mindful of my goal.
In the end, when I reach 210, I hope to look back at this post and see that all of that pain has gone away. Only then will I know that I am in control, hopefully once and for all.
Managing my weight has been a problem I have had nearly my entire life. When I was younger and more active working on our Dairy Farm, chores took care of it. Now that I work at a computer all day, nothing takes care of it.
I got up this morning after a late night of binging on ice cream, chicken nuggets, chips, and any other food that was lying around the house and said to myself, "It really is time to take a stand against my uncontrollable eating." While I have said this to myself many, many times and even acted upon it once in a while, the result is the same. No matter what I do, the anxiety rises, the habits return, and I end up right back here at 280. Unfortunately, I used to say that about 250.
For 5' 11", 280 pounds represents morbidly obese and I feel it. The embarrassment of being this heavy is perhaps the most painful part. Although the pains in my back, legs, feet and other parts of my body are constant reminders that I am incredibly unhealthy for being 33 years old. The fact that I can't run around with my two kids, don't want to be in pictures with them, and don't want to go outside with them is painful. Knowing that I am robbing them of some great memories is even more painful. Having the run down, low-energy, can't finish anything I start mode hurts me even more. Seeing so many great ideas I have sitting on a table, in a drawer, on a computer, all left unfinished and starting to believe that you can't finish them is even more painful.
Being overweight hurts. It effects more than your physical health. It makes your doubt yourself, it makes you reclusive, it makes you feel unattractive even to those who love you. It paralyzes you, causes you to feel out of control, even makes you feel a little nuts at times. It makes you feel helpless and like you have lost ownership of yourself.
So I will take another stand today. I will focus on not just a goal, but a journey to take me from 280 pounds to 210. I will focus on all of the feelings that each day brings, hopefully using this journal to keep me focused and mindful of my goal.
In the end, when I reach 210, I hope to look back at this post and see that all of that pain has gone away. Only then will I know that I am in control, hopefully once and for all.
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