The brink.
I have stood in this place before. It is a fine line where I walk between retaining control of how I look feel and completely letting go of myself and letting my bad habits run rampant until I fall down into some dark hole of despair.
I return to this point many times after finally taking a moment to put everything else to the side and concentrate on me. In my self-reflection I stare at the man in the mirror and wonder how in the world I could have let this happen. Its amazing what you can hide from yourself when you don't look in the mirror everyday. Intentionally, of course.
In this moment of self-reflection, I finally take a good look in the mirror and I do not like what I see at all. The situation is as bad as it has ever been when it comes to my weight and the time for action is now.
My weight is my arch rival. It is my nemesis. I have tried to combat gaining weight so many times before. I have tried healthy and unhealthy ways to do it out of hope and out of desperation. Regardless of what I try, the effort lasts for a short while and I return back to the poor habits that have gotten me here in the first place.
As I continue to circle back to this point, the failures start to pile on top of one another and what once was a plateau of 220 becomes 250, then 280, then 310.
This cycle cannot continue for much longer. If I let it go on, the view will get darker at every plateau. The uncertainly of my future will continue to cloud itself, and the confidence I have in myself to eventually win this battle continues to wain with every step I take on the scale.
Its important for me to remember that my future depends on today and the actions I take will help determine what that future will be. Today, I have decided I will try to end the cycle again. If a Phoenix can rise from the ashes, then surely I can stand up against the issue of emotional eating and start my fight again. I have to for myself and my family.
It will not be an easy task. I have fought this battle before and I have fought it for so long, each time ending in a loss. What makes me think that the outcome this time is going to be different?
The truth is that I don't think it will different. But I owe it to myself and those who are close to me to take a stand and try to do what is right. To break this cycle of bad eating habits for good.
Perhaps during this process my hope can turn to faith, and my faith can turn to belief, and my belief can turn to success. So today, I start with hope that all of it will come true.
Let it begin.
I have stood in this place before. It is a fine line where I walk between retaining control of how I look feel and completely letting go of myself and letting my bad habits run rampant until I fall down into some dark hole of despair.
I return to this point many times after finally taking a moment to put everything else to the side and concentrate on me. In my self-reflection I stare at the man in the mirror and wonder how in the world I could have let this happen. Its amazing what you can hide from yourself when you don't look in the mirror everyday. Intentionally, of course.
In this moment of self-reflection, I finally take a good look in the mirror and I do not like what I see at all. The situation is as bad as it has ever been when it comes to my weight and the time for action is now.
My weight is my arch rival. It is my nemesis. I have tried to combat gaining weight so many times before. I have tried healthy and unhealthy ways to do it out of hope and out of desperation. Regardless of what I try, the effort lasts for a short while and I return back to the poor habits that have gotten me here in the first place.
As I continue to circle back to this point, the failures start to pile on top of one another and what once was a plateau of 220 becomes 250, then 280, then 310.
This cycle cannot continue for much longer. If I let it go on, the view will get darker at every plateau. The uncertainly of my future will continue to cloud itself, and the confidence I have in myself to eventually win this battle continues to wain with every step I take on the scale.
Its important for me to remember that my future depends on today and the actions I take will help determine what that future will be. Today, I have decided I will try to end the cycle again. If a Phoenix can rise from the ashes, then surely I can stand up against the issue of emotional eating and start my fight again. I have to for myself and my family.
It will not be an easy task. I have fought this battle before and I have fought it for so long, each time ending in a loss. What makes me think that the outcome this time is going to be different?
The truth is that I don't think it will different. But I owe it to myself and those who are close to me to take a stand and try to do what is right. To break this cycle of bad eating habits for good.
Perhaps during this process my hope can turn to faith, and my faith can turn to belief, and my belief can turn to success. So today, I start with hope that all of it will come true.
Let it begin.
Very proud of you Mark! I've been there and done that. This time, I think I will keep off the 50 pounds that I lost. It is a daily battle. Thanks for being so open about your struggles. Cathy
ReplyDeleteMark - thanks so much for sharing this! I really needed to read this and get my life back in order again! Robin
ReplyDelete